i felt so uncomfortable
today
i was with a large group of
people
a group of people
i wouldn't socialize with outside of school
i didn't like it
i didn't want to be there
all i could think about
was being here
safe here between
the pages of privacy
paper has always welcomed me
i can be honest here
over the years,
i've watched my tears smear this ink
words; they expect nothing from me
they hold me
like a child, and they cradle me
between each curve of an 's'
and each intersection of a 't'
i am safe here
my words
my pages
when i've been lost
i've hung on here
and i've also found myself here
in these words
my sadness disguised as periods
my anger expressed in big letters
& sloppy penmanship
and my longing diagnosed as
constants and vowels
my heart has bled open onto these pages
this ink still warm and sticky
i can feel my own pulse
when i put my finger over any one of these letters
my words
my precious, precious words
you've given me the vocabulary
to say it
i'm home here
like i've never been anywhere else
throughout my life
its been the alphabet thats been my family
grammar thats been my parents
adjectives; my sisters
verbs; my brothers
together we've built a home
nestled between pages and bound with security
not a home of wood
that can burn
or a home of stone
that time will erode
but together we've built an ethereal home
floating beyond time and space between infinity
and the cycles of creation and decomposing
the binds of these books are our guardians
they protect our home from
invasions
like a hammock
i can rest my soul between each 'u'
or nestle my body tight between the sheets
of every 'z'
my words, my letters
its you i'll always love
and its here
i'm always home
