sensatory
from the deep they call me
the cozy comfortable versions of myself.
“Hold my hand” each echo of desperation whispers to me
I love myself. I set myself free.
The clenched fist opens.....
like solar panels of satellites, I turn towards surrender
Its the silence of myself that i have lost that nourishes me.
Its the vacancy i created when i let it go that holds me.
From the cervix, every moment grows me toward my greatness.
But they call to me.
They beg me with their familiar voices
“Take me with you”.
And she kneels inside of me, the veiled woman who weeps
and never shows her eyes.
the source of my tears thats collected behind these eyes
thats watched myself all these years.
Tightening my chest, a drawstring around my throat.
I pull back.
I clench the tails of my garments as I move towards surrender.
But they weep harder
and they beg me with the voice thats loved me for so long...
“Come back to me my dear, come back to me”
“Your safe here in the womb of what we’ve always had”.
I pretend I don’t hear them.
I go where its warm and I get my ass home.
But they long for me, and I for them.
For its my past thats brought me here
and these versions of myself that I want to love now
the ways I never could then...
“Come home to me”
“Come home to me”
“come home to me”....
alexander cassidy
I prefer the work to be listened to, as it comes through me with a specific intonation and rhythm. When you hear the work, you will be closer to it. At the beginning of each poem there is a link (sensatory) that will bring you to a recording. These words are not mine, they do not belong to me. They only chose me to express themselves.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Monday, November 7, 2011
Fall or Full
sensatory
whats life,
but a strand of moments
hurled benign,
past freedom
into psyches of indifference
& fathom
some radiate like epicenters
of the quakes that shift our lives
in all kinds of directions
have you loved?
have you loved with all you are?
has your heart ever become naked in front of another?
does your heart speak this language?
have you lost the form of this love?
have you said good-byes to people, places & things you didn't want to leave?
but had to
versions of yourself you had to discard to grow deeper,
even though the past of you wanted to come too
& they beg
for life is not a carousel of the fantasies we dream of
and living to be happy-
is living a half-life
as its pain, loss, & toil where we crumble
& blossom again
sometimes its in our pieces we find our power
its our weaknesses- that build us strong
to access life,
is to access living
to live full
is to ride wildly
for streams lead to rivers
which hit dams
& freeze in winters
but all waters must reach the ocean
where the salts may purify them
again & again
to your body-
be kind
to your mind-
you already know
for your heart-
trust, please trust
i trust you
& to the part of you that exist in eternity
the part of you on loan from God
your soul-
live wildly
live richly
hurt deeply when it hurts
cry over & over again
if you must
for tears are the antiseptic
for the wounds we don't see
may pain force more life
from you
may sorrows squeeze you to your depths
& may anger, Rage;
the knights and armoured horseman
whom guard the hurts-
battle until the wars are done.
for those of us who have lived
we know its many Journeys
across the deserts of
lonesome burdens
before
the paradise of self-love appears
For to be Full
is to live-
for it all
to be full is to accept
it all
for every wound is a
call to grow deeper
& every hurt
is summoning
you closer (come)
seek not only joys
& the sweet delicacies of life
for to be Full
is to be whole
& to be whole
is to Live.
May you live flawlessly
amoungst the treasures of life
& sail the winds between
the groves
& Love,
whats life,
but a strand of moments
hurled benign,
past freedom
into psyches of indifference
& fathom
some radiate like epicenters
of the quakes that shift our lives
in all kinds of directions
have you loved?
have you loved with all you are?
complete vulnerability
has your heart ever become naked in front of another?
does your heart speak this language?
have you lost the form of this love?
have you said good-byes to people, places & things you didn't want to leave?
but had to
versions of yourself you had to discard to grow deeper,
even though the past of you wanted to come too
& they beg
for life is not a carousel of the fantasies we dream of
and living to be happy-
is living a half-life
as its pain, loss, & toil where we crumble
& blossom again
sometimes its in our pieces we find our power
its our weaknesses- that build us strong
to access life,
is to access living
to live full
is to ride wildly
for streams lead to rivers
which hit dams
& freeze in winters
but all waters must reach the ocean
where the salts may purify them
again & again
to your body-
be kind
to your mind-
you already know
for your heart-
trust, please trust
i trust you
& to the part of you that exist in eternity
the part of you on loan from God
your soul-
live wildly
live richly
hurt deeply when it hurts
cry over & over again
if you must
for tears are the antiseptic
for the wounds we don't see
may pain force more life
from you
may sorrows squeeze you to your depths
& may anger, Rage;
the knights and armoured horseman
whom guard the hurts-
battle until the wars are done.
for those of us who have lived
we know its many Journeys
across the deserts of
lonesome burdens
before
the paradise of self-love appears
For to be Full
is to live-
for it all
to be full is to accept
it all
for every wound is a
call to grow deeper
& every hurt
is summoning
you closer (come)
seek not only joys
& the sweet delicacies of life
for to be Full
is to be whole
& to be whole
is to Live.
May you live flawlessly
amoungst the treasures of life
& sail the winds between
the groves
& Love,
Love in eternity
Monday, August 1, 2011
home
i felt so uncomfortable
today
i was with a large group of
people
a group of people
i wouldn't socialize with outside of school
i didn't like it
i didn't want to be there
all i could think about
was being here
safe here between
the pages of privacy
paper has always welcomed me
i can be honest here
over the years,
i've watched my tears smear this ink
words; they expect nothing from me
they hold me
like a child, and they cradle me
between each curve of an 's'
and each intersection of a 't'
i am safe here
my words
my pages
when i've been lost
i've hung on here
and i've also found myself here
in these words
my sadness disguised as periods
my anger expressed in big letters
& sloppy penmanship
and my longing diagnosed as
constants and vowels
my heart has bled open onto these pages
this ink still warm and sticky
i can feel my own pulse
when i put my finger over any one of these letters
my words
my precious, precious words
you've given me the vocabulary
to say it
i'm home here
like i've never been anywhere else
throughout my life
its been the alphabet thats been my family
grammar thats been my parents
adjectives; my sisters
verbs; my brothers
together we've built a home
nestled between pages and bound with security
not a home of wood
that can burn
or a home of stone
that time will erode
but together we've built an ethereal home
floating beyond time and space between infinity
and the cycles of creation and decomposing
the binds of these books are our guardians
they protect our home from
invasions
like a hammock
i can rest my soul between each 'u'
or nestle my body tight between the sheets
of every 'z'
my words, my letters
its you i'll always love
and its here
i'm always home
Saturday, May 28, 2011
the standing
the infancy of integrity
the clandestine of despair
where silk & rage collide
in an afterthought of misunderstanding
we are allotted temptation
we are allotted base & anger
Friday, April 29, 2011
untitled
its the drainage of perception
the conflict of sincere
(its) where estranged & understanding
collide
in a para-mélange of
magnificence
i come prepared with nothing
except my willingness to allow
(its) between the breath
& excellence
i find comfort in the womb
of God
& rest in peace
in the placenta
of my
life
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I've Honored Love
(this poem is available by request only)
Sunday, March 27, 2011
sadness
i can’t find the words.
i don’t want this to be
one of those pages where i just stare
for what seems forever at an empty page
how do i express this one?
there are no words…
mathematics describes the infinite
science describes the finite
poetry is the hearts way
of becoming tangible in the world
this sadness…. why am i sad?
because i have found a love
as pure as gold, who needs definite
or indefinite, space and time from me
there are no words.
there is no way to express this
there are some dialects of the heart
that even poetry doesn't understand
there are some forms of sadness
that can only be, secrets of the heart
this is one of them.
i'd give my favorite words
to have you next to me
i'd give my best couplets
to have my head on your chest again
and if it cost me a thousand poems
to have one day with you,
i'd spend every moment in poetic prose
just so when i looked up from the page
i could see your good
shining through that warm smile
yes, i'd give up my words for you to be mine
each and every last one....
my greatest passion
for my greatest love
i'd start with the ones that were with me in adolescence
the ones that comforted me when i was 14, alone and ashamed
then, i'd give up my words that were my only companions
in the darkest moments of my life
i'd go through it all again, but this time alone
if you'd be mine
every stroke, every comma, every period
and every instance of creative contemplation
my closest friends
my most intimate companions
i'd give them all away for you
you once told me that death is the great equalizer
your depth amazed me in that moment
yes.... and so is love
as its here, in this sadness that nothing else identifies me
you've brought a poet to offer you his words.
can't you see what your love has done for me?
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